| | Current Music: | BT - Paris | | Security: | | | Subject: | I'M MOVING!!! | | Time: | 01:02 am | | Current Mood: |  content |
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| hey everybody! guess what!!
i'm switching to another live journal. So, if you still read this journal you'd probly wanna add ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) wuffster to you your friends list. Cuz I won't be updating here anymore.
Why the change in user names?
1) I got a new alias, I wanna make it universal with all my stuff ^__^
2) This journal tends to bring back memories....those of which I don't want to continually be reminded of ^^;
3) The name of this journal ALSO brings back memories that i'd rather not like to recall
4) a little change can be good sometimes | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | ::whispers: "follow me..." "this way.." "They took my baby..." "Use us..." | | Security: | | | Subject: | Operation day | | Time: | 02:17 am | | Current Mood: |  bored |
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| well, i get operated on in about six and a half hours from now. *shrugs* I just want it to get over with fast, i have some games i've been wanting to play lately >.>
And i'm looking forward to the mass amounts of tapioca pudding i get to eat while my gums are bleeding into them =D
with that, i should get some sleep now and hope i don't actually fall asleep while they're operating on me ^^;;
Well, off to bed i go. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | A Perfect Circle - Three Libras | | Security: | | | Subject: | Musical thoughts | | Time: | 10:35 pm | | Current Mood: |  contemplative |
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| it's kind of interesting....how music will take you back. Bring your mind to place in time, a time in history, a moment in your life. Sound...the reverberation of waves, bounding across my mind. Stirring up the memories and feelings locked deep within me. The times that I have lodged within me. The array of emotions. I can listen to it once and it takes me back to that place in time. I can listen to it twice, and i'll see what I saw then, A third and I will feel what I felt then..... and all i can hear is that sound. The music that whispers into my ears, describing to me that scene....that time.....
It's just funny tho, what memories keep getting brought up....what memories continue to become dug up....revealed from their hiding place inside my head.
I enjoy the music....so I keep listening. It feels good. I hate the music....so I keep listening. Even if the anger continues to rise. I weep to the music.....and i keep listening. Regardless of how sad it makes me.
No matter the mood, no matter the emotion. The music will always be music. And the emotions will only be an emotion. But there are some things I know need to be accepted.
The music will always play in my head. I can never stop it. The emotions, they only describe an event. They aren't what control me. And the memories....
Memories will never fade. They will never go away. No matter how much i want to forget, it will never leave by my side...and i will live on. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | UT2k4 - Hyperblast Redux | | Security: | | | Subject: | laptop rebuilding | | Time: | 04:09 pm | | Current Mood: |  amused |
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| Well, instead of sleeping like should have...i stayed up until about 6am this morning disassembling my old laptop. I figure if i can get myself a new motherboared, cd-rw/dvd rom, front and back bezel, and a new heatsync/fan......then I can rebuild my laptop. I'm lucky my montior is still intact...cuz that would've cost me another 150 dollars o.o
Well, i've found most of the parts i need on ebay. The only thing i lack now is one key part......the money ^^;;;;
*sigh*
and so it seems now that I won't be able to start this project fully until after Further Confusion when I can save my money more fully towards it
oh well, maybe for now I can bribe some money out of my parents ^^;;
until then, i always welcome donations ^____________________^
haha....like that'll happen XD | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 03:15 am | | Current Mood: |  indescribable |
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| Dismemberment Plan
"Time Bomb"
well i, i am a time bomb and i, i lay forgotten at the bottom of your heart... i'm fine ticking, away the hours to blow your world apart
well i, i am a poison and i, i instill caution in your bloodstream like a ghost, like wine, gathering vintage the day i hurt the most
i, i am a land mine and i, i lay on the soil burned out the battles you thought you'd won, i've got time... to wait for the footprints.. the memory that's on the run...yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
i, i am a tar pit and i, i swell like a living thing all at the slightest touch.. a black grime, yeah, swallowing everything.. a cold and timeless clutch
i, i am a trip wire, and i, i'm stretching across the road you're barreling down tonight...a finished wire, waiting to be released right beyond your sight
i, i am a fault line and i, i'm pulling apart the ground that lay beneath your newest seed.. so fine, moving an inch an hour a caution you won't know, you don't know, you think so (missing word)
well i, i am a time bomb i only live in that one moment in which you die... its not right, its not what i wanted then but you know and i know there's no going back
i, i am a lost soul and i, i send out a sickened light for anyone to see... a cry for help, a warning to stay away.. perverted.. blinded... reaching in darkness....why | | comments: Leave a comment |
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Um.....Water Buffalo... o.O
yay for Onsens!!!!
hm...*must bottle some of that "something"*
182 omfg i'm good!!!
mmmm twister =3
muahahaha
mmmm chocolate dawg
how romantic, the beach <3
I was drunk ^___^ how romantic
57 is a good number ^^ | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming | | Security: | | | Subject: | feelings | | Time: | 01:13 am | | Current Mood: |  lonely |
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| Sometimes, i just can't seem to explain what happens to me. I don't really know myself what i'm feeling.
All I know is that i can fine one minute....but the next thing i know i feel like i'm on the verge of crying my eyes out.
I don't know why I keep falling prey to these surges of emotions within me. But it's always something that will remind me.
Something I see, or hear, or remember.....and then I'm taken back to that time and place where I had a feeling.
A feeling that stays engraved within my memory, making me relive what I felt, but not telling me exactly why i felt that way.
Because as far as i know, i can not remember over half of the painful experiences in my life. I simply refuse to remember them.
What i do remember are those times I felt good. What I want to remember are those memories that I've not had very much of.
But even so, now i've been discovering i can't suppress these feelings much anymore. Is it because i did something? Gave up on something?
I think it is because I had given up my real passion for happiness. I know it's out there, and I know i'm searching. But I don't seem to care.
I don't think I care about what happens to me. I'm loosing sight of what i've wanted in my life. The things that I felt were missing.
I gave up. I set it all aside. I lost. What i've been doing for years on end, was supporting myself. I did that, and yet I also supported others.
I gave myself to them, I gave whatever I could. I just wanted everything to be ok. I wanted things to be good. With everyone. Everyone but me.
People have denied the possibility to be completely selfless. I can tell you this, I have been. I was. Even if it was for a few months. I was.
But all things change when given a bad situation....a bad sense of trust......a bad group of people......a group of people completely opposite to one's own ideals.
What's wrong with being completely selfless? People will take advantage of you. They will take from you until it hurts. I was taken advantage of. I hurt.
I still hurt. I still am reminded of these feelings. I still feel the betrayal. I still don't trust as well as I could have back then. And even when I tried, i still only got hurt.
But these times, also because I let myself get hurt again. Because I couldn't do anything to let myself become healed. I couldn't let anyone in. Not after all the pain.
So earlier in the month all I could feel was the pain of being hurt. It consumed me to the point of a near breakdown. And so now, all I feel is the loneliness and the distance.
I'm too far gone now to let people in of my own free will. At this point, all that can be done is to find those who can help someone who cries out for it. Help in the right way.
Someone to understand how I feel. Someone to know what I need. Someone who could force their way into my deepest shell. Someone strong who could reach in with one arm and at the same time hold me, carry me, keep me close, protect me. All my life, it was me trying to protect others. Even when I said i wouldn't, i did. Even when I said the only one worth protecting was myself. I threw myself down and protected others.
So I wonder now. When will that person come and protect me. When can they be there for me and to help me up onto my feet again. That person who can forcibly make my trust without words. The person I could only dream of and never expect would appear. My dream. My hope. My illusion. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| My head still needs new filters put in place
Any thoughts that require much needed attention and start hurting my head will simply be dropped and postponed until a later date
So if i don't wanna talk about something, it means i'm ignoring it =P
And um....ya
*goes to sleep* | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Beyond Good and Evil OST - Home Sweet Home | | Security: | | | Subject: | unless | | Time: | 12:24 am | | Current Mood: |  uncomfortable |
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| i feel so very small inside...
i'm changing....but this time....maybe not for the better
can i possibly be the person i used to be
no...life will continue to be
and always will be
the same inside
unless... | | comments: Leave a comment |
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cynical